Wednesday, November 05, 2003
I've cut back drastically on the cigarettes this week. I started cutting back over the weekend and had a major lapse of control on Monday but I've been able to keep a pack alive over the past couple of days now. Not too shabby considering the level of stress I’ve been under with Kristine out of town. Amazing how much more time I seem to have on my hands now that they aren’t busy holding on to a burning cigarette. Haven’t been able to give them up completely however, and this evening I was nearly out of my mind wanting one after having gone the whole day without. It was a victory to go through the day at work without buying a pack so I could have a smoke at break.
My addiction is primarily psychological so I find the best way to break the habit is to play mind games with myself. The game today went like this: I left an open, nearly full pack of Winstons on the coffee table this morning—this gave me a short term sense of triumph and I rode that wave through the traffic jam on the way to work. I did take my lighter with me and told myself that if I were truly desperate I could bum one from a co-worker. To make it just a bit more difficult to do that I left the lighter in the car; it would be a long walk in the rain to retrieve it. This obstacle bought me more time—at least until lunch because it would take too long to walk and smoke a cigarette comfortably during a 15 minute break. If I felt tempted to go a buy a pack of smokes I would have to by a lighter too and there was no way I could justify buying a new pack of cigarettes and a lighter when I had a nearly full pack lying on the table at home and a lighter just down the street in the car. I’m lucky that the years of smoking have worn me down a bit, because if I were in better shape the walk to the car would not have been that much of a consideration. I will have to come up with a better strategy as my health returns.
I’ll keep myself busy with chores and Keenan’s basketball game tonight to keep the cigarettes out of my hands. I’ll allow myself one before bed tonight and keep the pack going another day. Tomorrow evening will be more difficult because I will be studying for my exam on Monday. I think that I will declare the room I will be studying in a smoke-free area—yeah, that’s the ticket—I’ll make it a smoke-free area and put the pack out in the glove box of the car.
My addiction is primarily psychological so I find the best way to break the habit is to play mind games with myself. The game today went like this: I left an open, nearly full pack of Winstons on the coffee table this morning—this gave me a short term sense of triumph and I rode that wave through the traffic jam on the way to work. I did take my lighter with me and told myself that if I were truly desperate I could bum one from a co-worker. To make it just a bit more difficult to do that I left the lighter in the car; it would be a long walk in the rain to retrieve it. This obstacle bought me more time—at least until lunch because it would take too long to walk and smoke a cigarette comfortably during a 15 minute break. If I felt tempted to go a buy a pack of smokes I would have to by a lighter too and there was no way I could justify buying a new pack of cigarettes and a lighter when I had a nearly full pack lying on the table at home and a lighter just down the street in the car. I’m lucky that the years of smoking have worn me down a bit, because if I were in better shape the walk to the car would not have been that much of a consideration. I will have to come up with a better strategy as my health returns.
I’ll keep myself busy with chores and Keenan’s basketball game tonight to keep the cigarettes out of my hands. I’ll allow myself one before bed tonight and keep the pack going another day. Tomorrow evening will be more difficult because I will be studying for my exam on Monday. I think that I will declare the room I will be studying in a smoke-free area—yeah, that’s the ticket—I’ll make it a smoke-free area and put the pack out in the glove box of the car.
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